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Punting Velociraptors

almightykushlord:

Dakarai Molokomme, a 15-year-old starving child from a small village in Zimbabwe, has just told , one of the most famous pop stars in the world, to  and f*** , the local media are reporting exclusively.

“Yes, it’s true, I told Madonna to go f*** herself. Do you want to know why?” Dakarai asked. “It’s the same thing every time with these snobby rich Americans. Every once in a while they come to show us their support for the so-called eradication of poverty by adopting a child from a starving family, but they actually do more harm than good. Transracial international adoptions are part of the white savior industrial complex,” Dakarai explained.

In further discussions with journalists from the media, the  stated that “none of the children here actually want to be taken away from their family and friends so they can be displayed as some kind of trophy in the homes of self-righteous singers or actors who want to score some points with the media and Oprah.”

“If they really want to help us, they should get Big Pharma to ship us some anti-retroviral drugs for the AIDS epidemic, or build schools and hospitals. If they don’t want to do that, then they can all go f** themselves!” the child told reporters.

The 15-year-old also stated that he would say the same thing to any one of those American or European “faux humanitarian posers”, except for Bono, whom he said he would also kick in the groin.

“Bono’s efforts to save the African savage from itself prove that the colonial imperative is alive and well,” Dakarai said as he walked with other village children collecting sticks to build a tree fort.

THIS IS THE RAWEST 15 YEAR OLD ALIVE

(via sailingonaghostship)

(Source: pottergirl05, via joewalkerskitty)

(Source: branmoats, via naramire)

(Source: clever-oswin, via naramire)

clannyphantom:

shotquns:

hot doctor game too strong

my throat is sore maybe ur dick could soothe it

(Source: shotquns, via genevaisspicy)

rebuy:

i hope flip phones make a comeback in 2015 

(via brighthiatus89)

sarahseemssilly:

theycallmethemoose:

everkings:

gildatheplant:

pragtastic:

fifty-shades-of-gandalf-the-grey:

leomoriat:

poesdaughter:

Or, y’know, that thing called “Passover.”

Or the whole thing with Noah’s Ark where he killed off everything in the world except Noah and his family, and two of every animal. Y’know, no big deal. Just millions of people.

90% of the Old Testament is about God killing people in temper tantrums

Are we not going to mention Jesus?

Nailed it.

*wheeze* 

Oh my god.

Nailed it.

(Source: atheismblog, via mydreamstoyou)

What’s it called when you’re horny, but for one person, but you also want to cuddle and make them food and sew their stuff that’s ripped and make their stupid face smile and laugh and stuff? Because it’s gross. Make it stop.

preys:

Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” as a swear word

(via lcluvr)

(Source: princessjustinamack, via evrahe)

strivingking:

When you’re feeling down and out, REAL friends be like

image

(via lcluvr)

One of the little girls I nanny (the third grader) gave me gum today because, “mom, she doesn’t have anything minty in her purse, and she likes a boy! What if her breath smells when he’s around?! She needs this gum!”

wimey:

i’m made of sarcasm and sexual frustration

(via captain-kalpleri)

staircasespirits:

theamericankid:

“Today I’m going to be magnificent.” That’s the spirit, dog.

for anyone who says only cats are little shits

(via captain-kalpleri)